Things to Call Water

Amusing sobriquets for the universal solvent.

void soda
friend of the cup
idiot’s vodka
fool’s oil
pipe sap
tap wine
faucet gumbo
boiler’s tool
baby of snow
steam’s mom
hot dog blood
“Cannonball!” shrapnel
diver’s excuse
island ender
navy gravy
torpedo media
Dances with Eels
Señor Osmosis
The Artist Formerly Known as Ice
drowner’s woe
world launderer
arsonist’s boycott
Cousteau’s milieu
hydrophobe’s gutcheck
“intern at the cistern”
tempest gristle
Odyssey sauce
hemisphere paint
the ghost in the sauna
the condensed mists of time
zodiac milk
casino preserves
stork’s anklets
periscope’s necktie
rowboat wingspan
catfish litterbox
starfish cathedral
turbulence skein
stream bacon
river luggage
crystal chowder
geyser sperm
fin wind
mer-air
loose frost
dank fire
blue flower

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This poem was originally published in my first book, the now out-of-print Beauty Was the Case that They Gave Me (Factory Hollow Press, 2011).

Although Factory Hollow no longer publishes full-length books, they still facilitate literary miracles. For instance, on their website, they host Scram Press, a separate small press run by eminent poet Jim Haug, the latest book from which is Surprises & Pleasures by John Maradik, which I strongly recommend. Sample poem here.